Thank you Grandparents!
From the time my daughter Tali was born nearly 7 years ago, my parents have been an almost daily part of her life and now my son Charlie's life as well. Even if the kids don't see them every day, they talk to them on the phone or draw them a picture. I am very fortunate to have them living exactly six minutes away by car.
Yes, the help they provide by offering free baby sitting is priceless. There is literally no way we could live in this area without that help. However, it's more than that. It's about all the lessons they teach my children that my husband and I either don't have time to teach, or are too distracted to realize when a teachable moment comes along.
When my youngest niece was 18 months she was in the car with her mother, my sister-in-law Carmen, when she said, "Green means go, red means stop." My sister-in-law said to herself, "She must have learned that from Ama and Boppa." Sure enough she had. Now that I am a mom I see the lessons that my children have learned form being with their grandparents. Many of them are tangible, like improving reading skills, discovering a new medium of art and learning how to conduct to Baby Mozart DVDs. However, the most important one that can't be touched with their hands or feet is the specialness of having two people in their lives who are generations older than they are, but love spending time with them anyway. They hear stories about when their grandparents were little, they learn that sometimes when people get older their bones don't work so well and they need replacing. They learn that if it seems scary learning about it will make it less so and, visiting someone in the hospital will make their day.
My parents being with my children enables me to learn as well. I am able to see how different it is being a grandparent than a parent. My mom often tells me that because my brother was such a challenging child, my son Charlie doesn't phase her. When I discussed that with my brother he said, "yes, but that may also be because she's Charlie's grandmother, while she was my mother and couldn't give me back at the end of the day." How true that is!
With my parents' help I am able to pursue my own personal growth. While that sometimes entails organizing my house, baking a cake or exercising, it also allows me to pursue my career goals. My last job was in San Francisco, an hour away from home. With my husband also working far from home my parents were the classroom volunteers, emergency contacts (and believe me they were used), and back up daycare when I had to work late or go in on a nonscheduled day. When I left that job was tempted to write about that in my goodbye e-mail to my co-workers. The help my parents' provided with their grandchildren enabled me to work and therefore contribute to our household as well as the world in a meaningful way.
There is a teacher at Tali's school who teaches two days a week and her mom watches her young daughter while she works. I just met another teacher who works full time while her mom takes one day of childcare, her mother-in-law the other, and her aunts the other three. She is able to make a difference in the lives of 20 children every day while her family makes a difference in her daughter's life. I know many other grandparents who take on the childcare responsibilities of their grandchildren both part time and full time. I even know one great-grandmother who is raising her great-granddaughter!
The help of my parents positively impacts my marriage. Date nights are quite expensive and many of our friends don't take them because hiring a sitter and paying for a night out is not affordable these days. I see the toll this takes on married couples. They have no time to nurture their relationship. This affects on the children as well. When Mom and Dad aren't happy, they are not the best parents they can be. My parents understand this and will take the children so that we can have an occasional night out to reconnect and remember why we are so right for each other.
I am well aware that many of us do not have local grandparents and this is a reality check for me. Quite often my friends remind me how lucky I am that I have my parents so close by while they only see theirs a few times a year. However, in most cases, when those grandparents do visit they can't get enough of their little angels. In many cases my friends will ask their parents to specifically come to town at a time that they need their help and most of the time, the parents oblige. Very special memories are made during those visits.
If you're like me you are frequently trying to figure out the perfect daycare situation for your children whether you work or just need a little time to yourself to recharge your batteries. I'm always asking people, "Who's with your children when you are working (or going out, or running errands, or getting a haircut)?" When the answer is, "My parents/in-laws. " I need to remember to tell them how wonderful that is and, to thank their parents when I meet them for helping to make the world a better place for all of us!
Yes, the help they provide by offering free baby sitting is priceless. There is literally no way we could live in this area without that help. However, it's more than that. It's about all the lessons they teach my children that my husband and I either don't have time to teach, or are too distracted to realize when a teachable moment comes along.
When my youngest niece was 18 months she was in the car with her mother, my sister-in-law Carmen, when she said, "Green means go, red means stop." My sister-in-law said to herself, "She must have learned that from Ama and Boppa." Sure enough she had. Now that I am a mom I see the lessons that my children have learned form being with their grandparents. Many of them are tangible, like improving reading skills, discovering a new medium of art and learning how to conduct to Baby Mozart DVDs. However, the most important one that can't be touched with their hands or feet is the specialness of having two people in their lives who are generations older than they are, but love spending time with them anyway. They hear stories about when their grandparents were little, they learn that sometimes when people get older their bones don't work so well and they need replacing. They learn that if it seems scary learning about it will make it less so and, visiting someone in the hospital will make their day.
My parents being with my children enables me to learn as well. I am able to see how different it is being a grandparent than a parent. My mom often tells me that because my brother was such a challenging child, my son Charlie doesn't phase her. When I discussed that with my brother he said, "yes, but that may also be because she's Charlie's grandmother, while she was my mother and couldn't give me back at the end of the day." How true that is!
With my parents' help I am able to pursue my own personal growth. While that sometimes entails organizing my house, baking a cake or exercising, it also allows me to pursue my career goals. My last job was in San Francisco, an hour away from home. With my husband also working far from home my parents were the classroom volunteers, emergency contacts (and believe me they were used), and back up daycare when I had to work late or go in on a nonscheduled day. When I left that job was tempted to write about that in my goodbye e-mail to my co-workers. The help my parents' provided with their grandchildren enabled me to work and therefore contribute to our household as well as the world in a meaningful way.
There is a teacher at Tali's school who teaches two days a week and her mom watches her young daughter while she works. I just met another teacher who works full time while her mom takes one day of childcare, her mother-in-law the other, and her aunts the other three. She is able to make a difference in the lives of 20 children every day while her family makes a difference in her daughter's life. I know many other grandparents who take on the childcare responsibilities of their grandchildren both part time and full time. I even know one great-grandmother who is raising her great-granddaughter!
The help of my parents positively impacts my marriage. Date nights are quite expensive and many of our friends don't take them because hiring a sitter and paying for a night out is not affordable these days. I see the toll this takes on married couples. They have no time to nurture their relationship. This affects on the children as well. When Mom and Dad aren't happy, they are not the best parents they can be. My parents understand this and will take the children so that we can have an occasional night out to reconnect and remember why we are so right for each other.
I am well aware that many of us do not have local grandparents and this is a reality check for me. Quite often my friends remind me how lucky I am that I have my parents so close by while they only see theirs a few times a year. However, in most cases, when those grandparents do visit they can't get enough of their little angels. In many cases my friends will ask their parents to specifically come to town at a time that they need their help and most of the time, the parents oblige. Very special memories are made during those visits.
If you're like me you are frequently trying to figure out the perfect daycare situation for your children whether you work or just need a little time to yourself to recharge your batteries. I'm always asking people, "Who's with your children when you are working (or going out, or running errands, or getting a haircut)?" When the answer is, "My parents/in-laws. " I need to remember to tell them how wonderful that is and, to thank their parents when I meet them for helping to make the world a better place for all of us!
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