It turns out we have come a long way babies
I took the kids to ice-cream tonight after dinner. Charlie ordered his usual: one scoop of choclate on a cone. When it was handed to him he said "thank-you" and went to sit at a table and quietly ate. After a few samples Tali ordered hers and went to sit with Charlie.
As the three of us sat enjoying our chosen flavors I looked around the room. There was a woman nursing a newborn while her two pre-schoolers licked their cones. Just beyond them was a family of four whose kids were running around the shop. Charlie noticed a three year old with a handful of paper cups that had been put out for water. She was crumpling them and laughing.
"Mommy, why is that little girl doing that? She's wasting those cups!" Was this really my Charlie talking?
"You used to do things like that Charlie." I said. He looked at me with his big eyes, completely shocked. "I did not," he said.
"Yes, you did Charlie," I said laughing.
Charlie use to climb on top of the booths at this very ice-cream shop. Once at a restaurant he climbed up to the computer and pushed all the keys. He then threw food at that same restaurant. Once while I was looking for new shoes he pulled a hand off a manequin and said, "Look Mommy, it's Aaron Ralston from 127 Hours." When he was three he ran away from us at the Farmer's market and went to Dittums to try on a Spiderman costume. Those are just his public shananigans.
At home he cut open a bag of coffee beans, spread it around the living room and when we entered the room with our jaws dropped he said, "It's not chocolate." At our cousin's house he pulled the fish aquarium off the shelf because he wanted "to play with the fish." Thankfully the fish survived. He broke the ladder on his bunk bed almost causing serious injury to his sister. Those were tough times and they weren't that long ago. At home Richard and I would just clean up the messes with our kids' help and laugh about it later. Out in public I would cry as parents judged me with their silent stares and heads shaking.
During those years I would observe other families eating out together, praying in synagogue and even at the occasional wedding ceremony. It seemed like every other child in the universe knew how to sit calmly and eat their food, or look through the prayer book or watch the bride and groom. When we only had Tali with us in such situations it was like a vacation. She would sit and happily eat and tell herself stories or softly comment on how pretty the bride's dress was. We were always relieved that we'd left Charlie with a sitter or his grandparents.
Those days still resurface one in a while when Charlie isn't well rested or is hungry and we don't get food in him fast enough. He also does best with clear expectations ahead of time, not only of where we're going and what we're doing, but of how we'd like him to behave. At public events he does best if he isn't expected to sit very long. If he has a friend with him he is a perfect angel.
We finished our ice-cream and I looked at the parents chasing their kids around the shop shouting, "No, stop, don't do that! We are going home!" My staring was not out of judgement, but empathy. I smiled at them and if it wouldn't have been intrusive I would have walked over and said, "Hey, it's going to be ok. This too shall pass." What a difference it would have made if someone had said that to me. It would have reduced my anxiety and embarrassment and in turn probably calmed down my son.
As we cleaned up and headed home I put my arms around my children. When they were little and running around destroying things I didn't love them any less than I do now. I do enjoy taking them places more now. We sit and have conversations about things they see or what happened at school that day. I smile at them and say, "We've come a long way babies."
As the three of us sat enjoying our chosen flavors I looked around the room. There was a woman nursing a newborn while her two pre-schoolers licked their cones. Just beyond them was a family of four whose kids were running around the shop. Charlie noticed a three year old with a handful of paper cups that had been put out for water. She was crumpling them and laughing.
"Mommy, why is that little girl doing that? She's wasting those cups!" Was this really my Charlie talking?
"You used to do things like that Charlie." I said. He looked at me with his big eyes, completely shocked. "I did not," he said.
"Yes, you did Charlie," I said laughing.
Charlie use to climb on top of the booths at this very ice-cream shop. Once at a restaurant he climbed up to the computer and pushed all the keys. He then threw food at that same restaurant. Once while I was looking for new shoes he pulled a hand off a manequin and said, "Look Mommy, it's Aaron Ralston from 127 Hours." When he was three he ran away from us at the Farmer's market and went to Dittums to try on a Spiderman costume. Those are just his public shananigans.
At home he cut open a bag of coffee beans, spread it around the living room and when we entered the room with our jaws dropped he said, "It's not chocolate." At our cousin's house he pulled the fish aquarium off the shelf because he wanted "to play with the fish." Thankfully the fish survived. He broke the ladder on his bunk bed almost causing serious injury to his sister. Those were tough times and they weren't that long ago. At home Richard and I would just clean up the messes with our kids' help and laugh about it later. Out in public I would cry as parents judged me with their silent stares and heads shaking.
During those years I would observe other families eating out together, praying in synagogue and even at the occasional wedding ceremony. It seemed like every other child in the universe knew how to sit calmly and eat their food, or look through the prayer book or watch the bride and groom. When we only had Tali with us in such situations it was like a vacation. She would sit and happily eat and tell herself stories or softly comment on how pretty the bride's dress was. We were always relieved that we'd left Charlie with a sitter or his grandparents.
Those days still resurface one in a while when Charlie isn't well rested or is hungry and we don't get food in him fast enough. He also does best with clear expectations ahead of time, not only of where we're going and what we're doing, but of how we'd like him to behave. At public events he does best if he isn't expected to sit very long. If he has a friend with him he is a perfect angel.
We finished our ice-cream and I looked at the parents chasing their kids around the shop shouting, "No, stop, don't do that! We are going home!" My staring was not out of judgement, but empathy. I smiled at them and if it wouldn't have been intrusive I would have walked over and said, "Hey, it's going to be ok. This too shall pass." What a difference it would have made if someone had said that to me. It would have reduced my anxiety and embarrassment and in turn probably calmed down my son.
As we cleaned up and headed home I put my arms around my children. When they were little and running around destroying things I didn't love them any less than I do now. I do enjoy taking them places more now. We sit and have conversations about things they see or what happened at school that day. I smile at them and say, "We've come a long way babies."
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